Shy

This may come as quite a surprise to those of you who know me personally. I was a very shy child. Very shy. The thought of anyone paying attention to me was frightening.

Here are some examples.

• I played a sheep in the church Christmas pageant as a child. There were 4 of us, I think. Well...the mothers thought it would be a cute idea to crotchet us tails and fix them to the costumes. I thought I was going to die. I cried and cried. I believe I cried until my mother cut the tail off of my costume.

• I remember auditioning for first chair in band. I was in the 6th grade. I worshipped the band director. Miss J was the most amazing woman. I had looked forward to having her as a band director for years. I remember each audition day. And I remember shaking so hard I could barely play in front of the rest of the band. I was only able to do it by keeping my eyes on Miss J.

• At family events, I would stay either very close to my mother or as far away from everyone else as possible.

• Most of my early memories of events are of peeking out from behind Mom and Dad.

So when did this change? I will tell you.

My freshman year of High School I had to take a public speaking class. I thought I was going to die. The teacher was Mrs. Moeller. I immediately liked her. But the idea of standing in front of a classroom full of other students was literally paralyzing. The time finally came for our first speech. It was a demonstration speech. It was my turn. Mrs. Moeller called my name. I didn't move. I couldn't. Mrs. Moeller moved me to the front of the room where we all sat in complete silence for 3 minutes. I was then moved back to my position. When the class was over, I still couldn't move. Mrs. Moeller put my evaluation on my desk. It had a large zero on it. She knelt down to me and said, "You are very smart. People need to hear your story, and they need to hear you tell it."

Everything changed. Somehow, she gave me courage. She managed, in that short time, to make me feel that I had value. While still nervous, I not only delivered every other speech in the class, but I also joined the Speech and Debate team. It changed my life.

By the time I graduated I was a State Champion and competed at the National Level.

Public speaking became a passion for me. I went on the earn a B.A. and M.A. in Communication Studies. And public speaking has been a primary part of every job I have ever had.

It also opened other doors. I get to speak at conferences...I am asked to MC events...and I love it. Being on the stage is one of the best feelings in the world.

I think the thing that I am most proud of is teaching Communication Studies for many years. In all those years, I have been able to work with so many students and help them work through their speech anxiety. I have also coached professional all over the country: helping them prepare for meetings, conference, and general presentations.

Occasionally, I find myself in the grip of fear. Right before I walk on stage, I am overcome with anxiety. "I can't do this!" I take several deep breathes and revisit past successes. I also remind myself that the feeling is temporary...and that the voices in my head are liars. I take the first step out...and then the second...and by the third I am actually excited about getting started.

If I could say anything to that shy little boy, I think I would say this...

"It's okay. This feeling won't last forever. And one day, you are going to love this!"

That shy little boy would think I was crazy, of course.

That's okay...he is wrong...and he will get there.

Just sayin'