Fishing with Dad

Happy Father's Day!

Shortly after coming out, I went on a fishing trip with my Dad.  We loaded up and left early in the morning for a day of fishing on the lake.  Just me and my Dad.

He made his famous sandwiches, and I brought some snacks.  I also brought some beer and my favorite cigarettes at the time - Nat Sherman Hints.  We fished, we talked, we told stories, we drank, we smoked...it was a little heaven on earth.

If you have read some of my other posts about my Dad, you know that we had some rocky times before I came out.  This day was perfection.  Me as my authentic self, and my Dad.

At one point I noticed he was a little emotional.  I asked him what was up.  It was then that he apologized for every gay joke or innuendo he had ever said in front of me.  And he listed some of them out, apologizing for each one.  It broke me a bit.  I told him thank you, and I told him to never think of any of that again.  We talked for awhile longer about it and the healing that took place in both of us was immense and intense.  And sitting in a boat on the lake, my precious father healed old wounds.  I think for him and for me.

We eventually put that to rest and went back to drinking, smoking, fishing, and laughing.

At one point, I started to express concerns that it was getting a little dark and perhaps we should head back.  Dad said, "It's not getting dark!  We are fine."  A little later on I expressed the concern again.  He relented and we headed back.  We got to the dock, I jumped out and went to get the truck and trailer.  I got the truck backed down the ramp.  I got out of the truck and as I walked down to the water's edge to help with getting the boat on the trailer...I took off my sunglasses.

My sunglasses.  My very dark tinted sunglasses.

I immediately started laughing.

By this point, the boat was in the trailer.  Dad asked me what I was laughing at.

I looked up at him and said, "It is not dark.  I had these damn glasses on and clearly had been hitting the beer a little hard.  I thought is was dark!"

We stood there and laughed.

Rather than put the boat back in the water, we decided to head home.  On the drive we laughed about what had happened.  We told some more stories.

It is one of my best days.

My Dad is a very kind and loving man.  Piss him off, and you better be ready for a fight.  But that is rare.

I think about this fishing trip all the time.  It was a pivotal moment for me.  Not only did he still love me, but he wanted to be completely restored to me.  He wanted to acknowledge past pain, get it all out there, get it addressed...and then grow together from there.

Sometimes I regret ending that day early.  If I had just taken those stupid sunglasses off sooner.  But, when I really think about it - when I really go through the events of that day - I wouldn't change a thing.

Not many of us gays can say we have a wonderful relationship with our fathers.  I know how unique my relationship is.  And I cherish it.

My Dad has gone through some major health stuff this year.  We had to navigate through the pandemic, we had to fight the system, we had to deal with harassment...but we made it through and he is on the mend and doing well.  And I was honored to be driver, advocate, and care giver.

Sitting in my car in the hospital parking garage after dropping him at the ER was hard.  I sat there and cried for awhile.  I called and updated Mom.  And then I sat there for over an hour, holding my phone so I could answer the moment the hospital called.  I spoke to Karen and to Bonnie - who comforted me greatly.  And eventually my mind drifted to that day of fishing with Dad.

Sitting alone in my car, I said, "I'm here Dad.  And no matter how dark it gets, I am right here and we aren't going anywhere."

And I meant it...still do.

Just sayin'